feelin' bue.

Yesterday was bad. I could really feel myself slipping into a depression. I've been really bummed out lately. Not about anything in particular, ya know how it works. Yeah work has been stressful lately but not enough to start any anti-depressant cravings. And I'm unhappy about some family issues...but we all know those problems have been a constant in my life. I'm stressed about money and I hate where I live...but who doesn't?
So I don't know what it is now that makes me so sad. Perhaps a combination of it all. Or maybe it's all that Armageddon talk...that really does get to me. I start to think what the fuck is the point of anything, it's all going to end soon. I blame it on the conservatives.
Today I am feeling better. I'm still tired and not entirely positive about anything (except of course my three day weekend). But knowing that today is better than yesterday helps a lot. This is all mental anyway. I need to just zen myself out of the bad feelings.

A few complaints...

1.) I am too old and too short to attend shows. Brian and I went to see Iron and Wine last night. (happy birthday to me from Francis...thanks, dude). The show was great. The Wiltern is beautiful. Sam Beam's music is beautiful. All the beautiful things aside... I can't stand for too long w/out my knees and back hurting. I constantly reposition myself trying to get comfortable. And if that isn't bad enough I couldn't see the stage AT ALL. I'm too short and the 7 foot tall guys in front of me were not helping. The whole time I was moving around trying to find a hole in between people in which I could see part of the stage, any part would have helped. So I've decided that I can only attend shows that either have seats or no people.

2.) I need a new brain because my current brain is full of stressful work thoughts. All I think about is work. Even when I'm standing behind tall guys listening to beautiful music I start thinking about the style number of the random top I just sold. When I lay awake in bed, even if I take Tylenol PM, my brain is consumed by lists of who I need to email, what the cost of things are, if the colors we chose were right. Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I just wish it didn't take up 95% of my thoughts. My new brain will be 80% calm, relaxing, peaceful thoughts and 20% stressful work and family related thoughts. While I'm at it I'm going to add 17 more IQ points.

3.) I'm lazy. This whole not working out thing is no good. I was so proud of myself for running a marathon and sticking to the workouts. But now I am fat and lazy again. Yes my back and knees hurt constantly (see #1) but I need to start making changes to solve that problem. Can someone please start yelling at me to run again?!! I need a harsh trainer. I'm out of shape and I hate it!!!!

4.) I don't like conservatives. Yesterday on NPR some idiot was saying that he would prefer a supreme court judge to have evangelical beliefs over judicial experience. Some other idiot said, "opposition to Harriet Miers is the work of the devil." These are the people running our country. It is so depressing.

monday monday

Rainy Mondays are not as fun as rainy Sundays. Infact... this Monday sucks!!!!

rainy day

I love rainy days. We walked down to 2nd street this morning for coffee and breakfast, via the long way so we could cheer on the marathoners. I was having major memory overload... all the runners looked so tired and done. We stopped at Starbucks for some coffee and then went across the street for croissants. To our very pleasant surprise we ran into Kersten and her aunt. Kersten's uncle was running the marathon. He's training for Kona, too. I felt like saying, "yeah, well my friend nek is probably going to kick your husband's ass. he rocks." but I didn't say that because she seemed really proud. The rain came while we were outside enjoying our croissants so we got to walk all the way home in the rain. It was so refreshing. Later in the afternoon we went to see "elizabethtown"... very disappointing. Now we are relaxing and watching "elf"...one of our favorites.
I love rainy sundays!!!

i heart the inferno

I hate when I can feel a cold coming on...I've had this feeling for weeks now. The lack of sleep and extreme stress is not helping. I think I've taken 400 "emergen-c" packs since last week.
I can't believe it's only Thursday. I need a nice long weekend with nothing to do. The LB marathon is on Sunday. In the past I have complained about the Long Beach Marathon because I can't leave my neighborhood. Not to mention we are woken up at 6:30 in the morning as the runners pass our house. But this year I have a different attitude. Mainly because after running a marathon I understand how important it is to hear people cheering you on at 6:30am! But also because I'm looking forward to being a prisoner in my own house. I want to sit on the couch and not move until it's time to eat. Let's all pray there is some sort of lame MTV marathon on Sunday... if only there was a new season of the Inferno!!!

pizza face.

I am so tired and stressed out. I haven't slept in a couple of days. All day long everyone said, "wow, rebecca, you look tired. do you want another coffee." thanks. To top it off I have the zit from hell. It is huge and right under my eye. There is no covering it up. This sucks!!! At least I was too busy to eat today, maybe now I will lose some weight. oh wait...I'm having pizza for dinner.

today is saturday...

and i have to work tomorrow. AND it's only 7:50 and I'm tipsy. what is wrong with this picture?

we're old.

Today Brian discovered the first gray hair in his beard. He showed it to me and I quickly noticed another. He asked me if it made me feel better about my gray hair. To which I replied, "considering you're two years older than me and I turned white a year before you umm, NO, it doesn't." But then I started jumping up and down, "we're growing old together. how cute!" Maybe our kids will pop out with premature gray.

the way to work.

Ocean Blvd. to the 710 North. exit Washington or take the 5N to the 10W, exit Los Angeles. go right on Main st. go right into parking garage. go up to office. turn on computer. sit there for 8 hours. repeat, this time take lefts.

The same way everyday, aside from the freeway variance which I only do to spice up my life...isn't it exciting?!! So today I took the 5 to the 10 because I felt spicy. But instead of going up to Main I turned right on Los Angeles. Now this is the scary part...I didn't realize I was on Los Angeles until I was ready to turn into the parking garage and noticed it was not there. I drove all the way down, about 1.5 miles or so, before waking up. I drove to work in a complete daze. Isn't that scary? Scary not only because I could have had an accident but scary because my life is so mundane I don’t even pay attention anymore.

this post is brought to you by...

Brian and I went to the happiest place on earth last Sunday. We were happy. It was a fun day. I think we were only inside the park for 5 hours or so and only went on three rides. But when you have free tickets you don't feel the need to "get your money's worth." I was amazed at how small everything looked. Did the Matterhorn shrink? I also couldn't get over the corporate sponsors. The freakin' autopia cars are now the Chevron cars. And Space Mountain is sponsored by Fedex. what the?

The highlight of the day was sitting on a bench in New Orleans square for 45 minutes people watching. The people that go to Disneyland are great!! A fun game we played...guess who's from the midwest. That guy has his pants pulled up to his chin, he's wearing sandals with black socks, he has a ponytail and bangs...he's definitely not from around here. We were dying laughing watching everyone circle around the bench trying to find the bathroom. I'm talking 5 or 6 times we would see the same group of people walk by.
"where's the bathroom. i don't see it. there are no signs."
"hee hee hee...we know where the bathroom is but we're not going to tell you. we'd rather laugh at you."
we are mean like that.

check the photos over at bionicbrian. right here.